“Good morning! Did you have breakfast yet today, Jonathan?”
“No? Alright, well let’s get you something to eat before your family comes and visits you today. They just messaged me and said they were on their way.”
“No, honey, your daughter and her grandchildren are coming to visit you today. Remember Penny? Her new husband is coming too. Have you met him?”
“No . . . Georgia wasn’t here last night . . . Jonathan, she’s no longer —”
“Hey . . . hey . . . it's alright . . . let’s go get you some breakfast. How does that sound?”
* * * * *
Quiet is so loud when you’re used to the noise.
I hear knocks on the door again. They fascinate me. I pass through my dark space and reach for the doorknob. It opens. A familiar silhouette stands hunched, and walks away quickly. Light spills in through the doorway and into my room. My frail mind urges my even frailer body to follow the figure. I make it out of the door just in time to see it round the corner. It reminds me of before. In the way it moves. In the way its feet hit the floor. These hallways seem even emptier, and seem even harder to walk through than before. The ground feels like it's moving under my feet and the lights are almost blinding.
I reach the doors and push through. The still air gives way to the breeze and I am illuminated only by dim starlight. But it went this way, and now it is lost.
“I swear she was here. I just saw her walk by. I just saw her!” I say to myself.
* * * * *
It’s cooler now. The forest echoes raindrops and the fog twists around every tree. I take steps through the greenery, and with no path in sight, I wander through the labyrinth of nature. I walk for what feels like days, but I do not tire. In the distance I can see a pond, and when I arrive I notice the deer and it notices me too, but does not flee. Instead, it approaches and rounds the pond to get to me. It comes close, and peers at me. I return the stare to study its charcoal black eyes.
* * * * *
Then I’m back. There are three of them, sitting on the couch across from me, staring into the TV. The group of them don’t speak to me much but I know they understand me and I understand them. The TV blares but I can’t understand it. I gaze straight into the screen, but it is blurred. I hear crying in the other room. I hear clanking plates from the kitchen. I hear arguing over the phone. I stand up but fail to balance. I fall onto the same carpet that I have fallen on many times before, trying to escape the same visions. I hear rushing feet and panicked conversation.
“Come back to me. You can’t leave me now,” I whisper to myself.
* * * * *
I was trying to sleep, but someone left the doors open again and the leaves and rain are soaking the carpet. I don’t feel tired anyway, and the chilly air of the woods outside my door seems more appealing than my stuffy dim room. I trip again and fall through my doorway into the dew covered grass. This time I pick myself up and continue to walk, but I end up falling even more. I manage to stumble forward through the woods, practically rolling. Now I wander for actual days until I can’t get any further. I am trapped inside a loop, with each tree looking as similar as the next.
I don’t feel tired but I lay myself down and shut my eyes. The pines sway around me until I force myself into a sleep.
* * * * *
The room is almost empty now. Any attempt to move is futile; my paralysis is obvious. My eyes are shut but I can feel their presence. We wait together for hours and nobody makes a noise. Eventually, I feel them leave and I am left all alone. The silence and the darkness soon take me too, and I lose all track of time.
“No? Alright, well let’s get you something to eat before your family comes and visits you today. They just messaged me and said they were on their way.”
“No, honey, your daughter and her grandchildren are coming to visit you today. Remember Penny? Her new husband is coming too. Have you met him?”
“No . . . Georgia wasn’t here last night . . . Jonathan, she’s no longer —”
“Hey . . . hey . . . it's alright . . . let’s go get you some breakfast. How does that sound?”
* * * * *
Quiet is so loud when you’re used to the noise.
I hear knocks on the door again. They fascinate me. I pass through my dark space and reach for the doorknob. It opens. A familiar silhouette stands hunched, and walks away quickly. Light spills in through the doorway and into my room. My frail mind urges my even frailer body to follow the figure. I make it out of the door just in time to see it round the corner. It reminds me of before. In the way it moves. In the way its feet hit the floor. These hallways seem even emptier, and seem even harder to walk through than before. The ground feels like it's moving under my feet and the lights are almost blinding.
I reach the doors and push through. The still air gives way to the breeze and I am illuminated only by dim starlight. But it went this way, and now it is lost.
“I swear she was here. I just saw her walk by. I just saw her!” I say to myself.
* * * * *
It’s cooler now. The forest echoes raindrops and the fog twists around every tree. I take steps through the greenery, and with no path in sight, I wander through the labyrinth of nature. I walk for what feels like days, but I do not tire. In the distance I can see a pond, and when I arrive I notice the deer and it notices me too, but does not flee. Instead, it approaches and rounds the pond to get to me. It comes close, and peers at me. I return the stare to study its charcoal black eyes.
* * * * *
Then I’m back. There are three of them, sitting on the couch across from me, staring into the TV. The group of them don’t speak to me much but I know they understand me and I understand them. The TV blares but I can’t understand it. I gaze straight into the screen, but it is blurred. I hear crying in the other room. I hear clanking plates from the kitchen. I hear arguing over the phone. I stand up but fail to balance. I fall onto the same carpet that I have fallen on many times before, trying to escape the same visions. I hear rushing feet and panicked conversation.
“Come back to me. You can’t leave me now,” I whisper to myself.
* * * * *
I was trying to sleep, but someone left the doors open again and the leaves and rain are soaking the carpet. I don’t feel tired anyway, and the chilly air of the woods outside my door seems more appealing than my stuffy dim room. I trip again and fall through my doorway into the dew covered grass. This time I pick myself up and continue to walk, but I end up falling even more. I manage to stumble forward through the woods, practically rolling. Now I wander for actual days until I can’t get any further. I am trapped inside a loop, with each tree looking as similar as the next.
I don’t feel tired but I lay myself down and shut my eyes. The pines sway around me until I force myself into a sleep.
* * * * *
The room is almost empty now. Any attempt to move is futile; my paralysis is obvious. My eyes are shut but I can feel their presence. We wait together for hours and nobody makes a noise. Eventually, I feel them leave and I am left all alone. The silence and the darkness soon take me too, and I lose all track of time.