I’m scared. I feel I’m drifting out of my body. What happened? I can’t seem to remember. My hands are shivering. My legs are shaking. My arms are quivering. My face radiates heat.
I can’t move. Or I’m too scared to. Hard to tell.
My vision blacks out once again.
Screaming in the distance.
My eyes snap open.
Where am I?
Groggy.
Scarred from my misshapen memory.
My eyes roam around.
There’s bright white lights.
I grimace and close my eyes.
They flutter back open.
Full of confusion and wonder.
A woman’s face comes into view.
A tag on her blue scrub, I think.
It reads, “Jennifer”.
I feel at peace for some reason.
“How are you feeling?” Her voice sounds far away.
“What happened?” I feel like I’m yelling. But somehow she barely seems to hear me. I don’t feel my mouth moving either. I feel so dry.
“Can you repeat that please? Although it’s probably going to be hard. You’re on heavy medication through the IV and probably are very confused.” My vision is still blurry, and I can’t comprehend what she’s saying.
I swallow whatever saliva formed in the last minute. I try to open my mouth. “Where am I?”
“You’re in the hospital, sweetie. You had a seizure and you got a nasty head bump out of it. We need to take you for an MRI to see if there’s any fatal damage to your brain.” Her voice sounds so sickly now.
“Wait, what? When? How?” I try to get up but I still can’t physically move. It’s as if I’m strapped to the bed.
“Do you remember anything?”
Why the heck would she ask me that after my questions? I just stare at her wanting to scream, yell, holler, whatever to get me out of this place.
“I figured. We don’t know what happened either. We'll start by helping you feel more awake before the MRI so we can better address our questions.” She gives a small smile as I squint trying to look around for any sign of recognition. This has to be a dream. Right? It feels like a hallucination. Drifting in and out of consciousness. But why?
My long brown hair whips to the side as I look around. I notice so many wires. they’re attached to all of my body parts. That’s probably why I can’t move. This feels so weird. As if I’m in a facility or something. How did I even get here? Is this some sort of joke? Where are my parents?
My head starts to throb. A pounding headache out of nowhere. Seizure? What is this nonsense? I’ve never had a seizure in my whole entire life. I mean, I get I’m on the younger side but, what?
“Can you please tell me your name?” She has a clipboard in her hand now. “My name is Doctor Shomil.”
“Uh, I — don’t, um.”
“Okay, that’s alright, you probably got a bad concussion or some sort of head injury. It’s normal, it’s fine. I’ll wheel you to the place, you don’t have any metal on, do you?” She asks as I shake my head. I don’t think so?
I think I fell back asleep because I feel something cold on my arm. Wait, no, those are the IV fluids. Why does it feel so good though? Shouldn’t it hurt going in? The two nurses disconnect the wires and links and I lay flat on the tray-like thing. They put a helmet on me. It feels very weird and cold. But it also feels good because it stops the burning on my face. Where did that come from anyway? The IV? Loud noises start to erupt. I try to close my eyes and try to recollect my memory. But everything feels so blank and dead inside. Almost as if I died and just came back to a new life. As if I’ve woken up in a different dimension. A different life or realm.
*****
After what feels like hours, the helmet is finally lifted from my head and I can breathe better.
“We’ll send these scans to the neurologist and will understand what happened or is happening to your brain currently or when you seized. Do you feel any pain at all?”
The conversation just goes on and on. And I am finally able to go back to sleep in the hospital room. I still don’t get my memory back. I still don’t understand what happened. It is this full blockage black space in my mind. And it doesn’t seem like it is ever coming back.
*****
In the midst of the enigma, my memories remain elusive, lost in the maze of uncertainty.
I can’t move. Or I’m too scared to. Hard to tell.
My vision blacks out once again.
Screaming in the distance.
My eyes snap open.
Where am I?
Groggy.
Scarred from my misshapen memory.
My eyes roam around.
There’s bright white lights.
I grimace and close my eyes.
They flutter back open.
Full of confusion and wonder.
A woman’s face comes into view.
A tag on her blue scrub, I think.
It reads, “Jennifer”.
I feel at peace for some reason.
“How are you feeling?” Her voice sounds far away.
“What happened?” I feel like I’m yelling. But somehow she barely seems to hear me. I don’t feel my mouth moving either. I feel so dry.
“Can you repeat that please? Although it’s probably going to be hard. You’re on heavy medication through the IV and probably are very confused.” My vision is still blurry, and I can’t comprehend what she’s saying.
I swallow whatever saliva formed in the last minute. I try to open my mouth. “Where am I?”
“You’re in the hospital, sweetie. You had a seizure and you got a nasty head bump out of it. We need to take you for an MRI to see if there’s any fatal damage to your brain.” Her voice sounds so sickly now.
“Wait, what? When? How?” I try to get up but I still can’t physically move. It’s as if I’m strapped to the bed.
“Do you remember anything?”
Why the heck would she ask me that after my questions? I just stare at her wanting to scream, yell, holler, whatever to get me out of this place.
“I figured. We don’t know what happened either. We'll start by helping you feel more awake before the MRI so we can better address our questions.” She gives a small smile as I squint trying to look around for any sign of recognition. This has to be a dream. Right? It feels like a hallucination. Drifting in and out of consciousness. But why?
My long brown hair whips to the side as I look around. I notice so many wires. they’re attached to all of my body parts. That’s probably why I can’t move. This feels so weird. As if I’m in a facility or something. How did I even get here? Is this some sort of joke? Where are my parents?
My head starts to throb. A pounding headache out of nowhere. Seizure? What is this nonsense? I’ve never had a seizure in my whole entire life. I mean, I get I’m on the younger side but, what?
“Can you please tell me your name?” She has a clipboard in her hand now. “My name is Doctor Shomil.”
“Uh, I — don’t, um.”
“Okay, that’s alright, you probably got a bad concussion or some sort of head injury. It’s normal, it’s fine. I’ll wheel you to the place, you don’t have any metal on, do you?” She asks as I shake my head. I don’t think so?
I think I fell back asleep because I feel something cold on my arm. Wait, no, those are the IV fluids. Why does it feel so good though? Shouldn’t it hurt going in? The two nurses disconnect the wires and links and I lay flat on the tray-like thing. They put a helmet on me. It feels very weird and cold. But it also feels good because it stops the burning on my face. Where did that come from anyway? The IV? Loud noises start to erupt. I try to close my eyes and try to recollect my memory. But everything feels so blank and dead inside. Almost as if I died and just came back to a new life. As if I’ve woken up in a different dimension. A different life or realm.
*****
After what feels like hours, the helmet is finally lifted from my head and I can breathe better.
“We’ll send these scans to the neurologist and will understand what happened or is happening to your brain currently or when you seized. Do you feel any pain at all?”
The conversation just goes on and on. And I am finally able to go back to sleep in the hospital room. I still don’t get my memory back. I still don’t understand what happened. It is this full blockage black space in my mind. And it doesn’t seem like it is ever coming back.
*****
In the midst of the enigma, my memories remain elusive, lost in the maze of uncertainty.