someone saw me dancing on a playground
i didn’t notice them until it was too late
too late to pause my music and my nighttime catharsis
too late to stand next to the swing set and smile politely, pristinely
they’d already witnessed my soul flaring out in spasmodic movements
they’d already seen me sparkling with unfettered starlight
between my lungs, there floats a little sun
a frantically churning fireball, burning with hopes and fears and loves and sorrows
i grip it with nail-bitten fingers
afraid if i let it go, i’ll burn down the world
sometimes its scorching rays snake their way up into my mouth
scalding light presses against my lips until i can hardly breathe
and it takes all my strength to gulp it back down without crying
but sometimes, when i’m dancing on a playground at night
or composing unabashed confessions during rainy walks while water drips from my eyelashes
or screaming something from a mountaintop that i would never dare to whisper
my grip loosens the tiniest bit
an unbroken fragment of brilliance peeks out
and i am no longer a specter of darkness and dirt
no longer a mere heap of ashes poorly imitating humanity
for those briefest of moments, i am angelic
maybe someday i will manage to let go altogether
and the rays will disintegrate my bones and raze away my skin until i’m just a blinding silhouette
and flaming droplets will cascade down my back and solidify into wings of Truth
i didn’t notice them until it was too late
too late to pause my music and my nighttime catharsis
too late to stand next to the swing set and smile politely, pristinely
they’d already witnessed my soul flaring out in spasmodic movements
they’d already seen me sparkling with unfettered starlight
between my lungs, there floats a little sun
a frantically churning fireball, burning with hopes and fears and loves and sorrows
i grip it with nail-bitten fingers
afraid if i let it go, i’ll burn down the world
sometimes its scorching rays snake their way up into my mouth
scalding light presses against my lips until i can hardly breathe
and it takes all my strength to gulp it back down without crying
but sometimes, when i’m dancing on a playground at night
or composing unabashed confessions during rainy walks while water drips from my eyelashes
or screaming something from a mountaintop that i would never dare to whisper
my grip loosens the tiniest bit
an unbroken fragment of brilliance peeks out
and i am no longer a specter of darkness and dirt
no longer a mere heap of ashes poorly imitating humanity
for those briefest of moments, i am angelic
maybe someday i will manage to let go altogether
and the rays will disintegrate my bones and raze away my skin until i’m just a blinding silhouette
and flaming droplets will cascade down my back and solidify into wings of Truth